A Self-Professed Music-Hater Makes a Comeback

By Ella Hodson.

“Ella, you don’t listen to music for like... 4 days.” - a quote from a friend of mine who clearly stalks my spotify and judges my lack of listening.

As of late, I have become tired with music. I had been listening to the same albums over and over as background noise and then replacing riffs and lyrics with true-crime podcasts and Radio 4. I can’t pinpoint when it started, but I think it definitely goes hand-in-hand with deteriorating mental health. I think I seek comfort in albums that remind me of happy times when I am feeling sad; and therefore get stuck in a music rut. Examples of these are: Everything You’ve Come to Expect - The Last Shadow Puppets, Currents - Tame Impala, Rumours - Fleetwood Mac, Born to Die - Lana Del Rey.

However, more recently, I've been making a somewhat come-back into music, and I’ve been willing to be vulnerable and let it into my heart again.

As a little disclaimer, I hate music writing (pretentious blah blah blah) but here we are, I’m going to tell you about five songs (old and new) which have made me feel something again.

(Oh and, even though I have Grade 5 Music Theory, I know fuck all about music and how to describe it and write about it).

1.Bloody Motherfucking Asshole - Martha Wainwright

Picture this, my sister and I (Ava - for those who know me), in a Toyota IQ singing this with the windows down, driving in the dark in rural Lincolnshire. She was probably picking me up from a boys house, or we were coming home from one of our cinema trips. This song is a sing-at-the-top-of-your-lungs sad as fuck song about a woman, just, despairing. I did google this, but Wainwright wrote this about her dad who is the Bloody Motherfucking Asshole. Ouch.

I’ve known this song for ages and ages, but rediscovered it on my discover weekly and through Big Little Lies. Yes I have recreated the scene where Jane sings this with her headphones on over and over.

This song just makes me laugh at the end of the day, the amount of silly swearing makes me happy and listening to it releases the anger inside of me.

AMAZING

2. Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk - Rufus Wainwright

The second Wainwright on this list, because they are great.

Rufus Wainwright reminds me of being five years old in the back of a mini on the way back from shopping in Hull. The CD used to be in there, and my eldest sister (9 years older than me) would put it on and sing along. I sooooo wanted to be like her so there’s no surprise that Rufus makes an appearance on this list.

This song kind of describes the way I’ve been feeling recently. The reflection of my behaviour and the self-destructive behaviour I, as most do, experience.

He just has a really good voice, and I really enjoy the peaceful piano part at the beginning.

3. Monster - Self Esteem

A new love of mine, Self Esteem. A love lady who is suuuuper cool on the old insta. It was hard to choose one of her songs, as I love all of them on her album ‘Compliments Please’. Among the contenders were ‘In Time’,‘(Girl) Crush’, ‘Rollout’, all of which have beautifully shot and poignant videos to go with them.

I chose this song because of its lyrics. About two people who are constantly hurting each other, something I’ve experienced recently. Sometimes lyrics can just bring you back to life, and you need something to sing loudly in the shower to annoy your flatmates. One of the lyrics: ‘Nobody can hurt me quite like you’ just really stuck out for me right now.

Wow. beautiful. Amazing. Obsessed.

4. True Blue - Mark Ronson ft. Angel Olsen

I could have chosen any song off of Mark Ronson’s new album ‘Late Night Feelings’, an album about heartbreak and all of the desperation/sadness/happiness that comes with it.

I also could have chosen any one of Angel Olsen’s songs.

So why not mash up the two?

Olsen’s unmistakable vocals start of this track in a kind of spooky way. Really just makes you wonder what’s going to come. It’s also that one song which appears on every album which is so different to the others, which is why I really loved it from the others.

Although the lyrics of this song are not too cheery, you can’t help move your feet and wave your arms around like you’re Stevie Nicks.

Lyrics do mean a lot to me with songs, it’s a factor I value above everything. This is what happened here - again.

I can’t say anything other than; brilliant stuff.

5. Anyways - Arctic Monkeys

It wouldn’t be an Ella-list-of-any-songs-ever without the appearance of Arctic Monkeys. (in another life people referred to me as arcticxel, whatever, it was 2014)

An EP of Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino, Alex Turner really does showcase his lyricism here. Maybe the best I’ve ever experienced?

I don’t really want to say more about this song. One, because it means a lot to me right now in August 2019 and don’t want to ruin it, and, two, I don’t want to be at risk of sounding like NME.

Just listen to it

Anyways, (HAR HAR), these are some of the songs which helped me make a comeback to listening to music when I didn’t really want to.

Honourable mentions include, Never Be Mine - Angel Olsen, California - Joni Mitchell, My I Love You - Frankie Cosmos

Here's to listening to only these songs for the next 6 months!

If you want to listen to any of these songs, my spotify is linked here. And so you, too, can stalk my spotify and see if I don’t listen to music for 4 days!